Grace Amidst Loss in the Shadow of Addiction

'Grace meets us in grief,' a lesson I learnt about loss. Read the Grief Story, 'Hope When You're Grieving,' by Dawn Ward about encountering God’s mercy, comfort, and healing in the middle of our pain.

Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.

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Last month marked 20 years since I moved to England. Can you believe I didn’t speak a word of English back then? What began as a small adventure turned into a new life.

Moving countries comes with its own kind of excitement. But what we don’t talk about enough is the grief that often hides beneath that adventure. We leave behind familiarity, family, and belonging. And often, guilt travels with that grief.

I felt that guilt deeply when my mum was diagnosed with cancer two years after I had arrived. I flew home immediately. Later, I returned to England, hoping it was just a hard chapter that would pass. But four years later, the cancer came back - and this time, I didn’t make it home to say goodbye.

That moment left a lasting ache: the missed last hug, the heavy “shoulds” — I should have known, I should have gone sooner, I should have done more.

But here’s what I’ve learned, albeit painfully slowly: We don’t get to see what the future holds. We make decisions with the information we have available at the time. And when we look back with regret, what we often need most isn’t clarity, but forgiveness.

So if you’re living with guilt or questioning whether you did enough, I want to say gently: be kind to yourself. There’s already enough pain - so don’t keep punishing yourself.

Today my heart goes out to parents who carry that invisible weight. And if you’re a parent grieving your child’s pain, wondering if you’ve somehow failed them, Dawn’s story is for you.

In today’s Grief Story, Dawn Ward shares her journey through heartbreak, guilt, and spiritual surrender as a mother of a child battling addiction. Her story is raw, honest, and full of grace - a reminder that God meets us right in the middle of our mess.

Dawn is also the author of From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children, a lifeline for any parent walking this painful path.

I’m deeply grateful to Dawn for her courage and faith. Her story reminds us that even in the hardest parts of our lives, God’s grace is still enough.

If her story speaks to your heart, I’d love to know what resonated with you.

‘Hope When You’re Grieving’ by Dawn Ward

Grief Story #018

“my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, LORD, every day; I spread out my hands to you.” Psalms 88:9 NIV

“Our son is using drugs.” My husband spoke these words calmly and without emotion, as if underplaying the direness of the situation would somehow keep me from overreacting. His plan didn’t succeed. As my panic increased, so did the pounding in my head. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach warned me that our lives were about to change drastically, most likely for the worse.

The shocking news my husband shared with me that night was just the beginning of many moments when addiction would shake the very foundation of our family. As the years went by, the consequences and collateral damage on our family increased. Somewhere along the way, I grew to expect disappointment. Perhaps preparing myself for the inevitable would lessen the sting. Truthfully, it doesn’t work that way. There is no preparing oneself for a tsunami when you live in the desert.

As the days wore on, the constant anxiety and stress wore on both my mind and body. Fear gave way to dread, and as the initial shock subsided, grief took its place. Out of all the emotions I experienced, grief was the hardest to handle. Grief crept over me like gray clouds showing up out of nowhere on a sunny day. It washed my world of color and replaced its brightness with a filter of dull monochromatic undertones.

Grief sucked the air out of my lungs, as it drained me of my energy­—and my hope.

When a family member is still alive but no longer “with us” in presence or personality, we experience what’s known as “ambiguous loss.” This unexpected grief emerges as we watch helplessly while conditions like mental illness, addiction, dementia, or traumatic brain injury take their toll. Days, months, and years can pass as we live in a perpetual state of mourning, praying for relief but facing ongoing disappointments. To complicate matters, we may also experience an anticipatory grief—bracing ourselves for the worst, while still hoping for a miracle.

I experienced this. I grieved the normalcy of life before drugs hijacked our family. Caught up in a whirlwind of grief, pain, despair, and hopelessness, I also carried an overwhelming sense that I was to blame for my child’s addiction. Once I accepted it wasn’t my fault, I still wrestled with feelings of guilt for not being able to fix the problem. Grief had hijacked my hope for our family’s future. As the years passed and life inched its way back to normal, I would finally feel like I could breathe a sigh of relief. Then, as if out of nowhere, our lives would once again spiral out of control. Each time, the grief intensified as my hope diminished. It wasn’t long before I was afraid to hope at all for fear of disappointment.

“where then is my hope—who can see any hope for me?” Job 17:15 NIV

In my pain, I cried out to the Lord, “Is this as good as it gets, God? Will I live forever in a constant state of grief? I don’t know how to be happy when my child is suffering. Your word promises us joy, but all I feel is this intense sorrow!”

Jesus, in his grace, reminded me he was there with me. He cared deeply about me and about my hurting and struggling loved ones. He also assured me that grieving was an acceptable response to the challenges our family was enduring. Without realizing it, I was carrying around a tremendous amount of guilt for the feelings of grief, anxiety, and depression I was feeling. As a woman who professed her faith in the Lord, why was I doing such a lousy job of trusting him? It was then that he reminded me of this verse.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3 NIV

A flood of God’s mercy washed over me as I accepted that grief is a normal part of loss. Grief doesn’t have to be a barrier between us and the Lord. Instead, it invites us into his presence. As we pour out our brokenness to the Lord, we taste the sweetness of a comfort only he can provide. But how are we to handle feelings of grief that never leave us? Are we supposed to pretend it isn’t real, push it away, and fake a smile when we are around others? Not at all. But it doesn’t have to control or paralyze us either.

As I navigated the once uncharted waters of grieving the loss of a precious relationship, I came to learn that I was never alone, even in my loneliest moments. Jesus was with me, and he promised never to leave me. I found comfort in knowing he was walking me through the grieving process. These truths brought me great peace in some of the darkest moments of my life. I pray they will bring you comfort as well.

• Jesus also experienced grief (John 11:35-36).

• Jesus is close to those who are grieving (Ps. 34:18).

• Jesus comforts those who mourn (Matthew 5:4).

• Jesus heals the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3).

• Jesus will someday set us free from our grief and sorrow (Rev. 21:4).

God does not ask us to release our grief, but to embrace it. Grieving the loss of someone we care for, whether it is by death or by separation, marks us for the rest of our lives. We will never be the same person we were before the loss. However, because Jesus is with us, we can trust him to heal, renew, and transform us. Even in our darkest times, the Lord vows to create something of beauty out of our ashes.

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3a

Grief Story by Dawn Ward

Friend, have you known a kind of grief others couldn’t see or understand? Have you ever felt guilty for struggling as a person of faith? How might trusting God with that pain look in the days ahead - and is there someone you can remind they’re not alone?

Dawn Ward is an author, speaker, Bible teacher, and certified biblical life coach. She is the founder of The Faith to Flourish, a ministry offering support and encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. The ministry also equips all women of faith to live transformed lives through inspiring teachings, mentoring, and biblical resources. She is married to Steve and a mom to three adult children. Her book, From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children, is available on Amazon.

You can connect with Dawn on Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn and find more about her work on her website.