Living With Loss After a Diagnosis

Addressing living losses in the Grief Story, 'Heartbreak to Hope and the Power of Overcoming: Navigating Grief Through the Unexpected' by Fern Buszowski about grief after a life-changing diagnosis

Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you’ll find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.

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I knew I was missing my life from before the accident—there was a longing, a quiet ache that I couldn’t quite name. But it wasn’t until I watched my husband experience the raw, turbulent emotions of finding out that his mum had terminal cancer that I realised I was grieving. I didn’t recognize it at first. After all, no one had died in my accident—so how could I possibly be grieving? Grief is supposed to come with a clear story, right? A death, a finality. Or so I thought.

The truth is, losses that don’t come with caskets often go unrecognised. We don’t always realise what we’re going through is grief if it doesn’t follow the traditional narrative of death. I’m, therefore, so grateful for another story that illuminates this invisible pain and the hidden grief of what I’ve come to call living loss.

As someone who became a chronic pain warrior after my traumatic accident, my heart truly goes out to everyone who finds themselves grieving the life they once knew. I’ve walked through this too. I’ve felt the weight of what was lost, the subtle ache for the version of me that existed before everything shifted. And I know I’m not alone. There are so many of us moving through the world with silent pain and grief. Today, I’m deeply honoured to share one of those stories.

In today’s Grief Stories, Fern Buszowski courageously shares her own experience of this kind of loss. She encourages us to make space for the subtle yet profound grief that follows a life-changing health diagnosis that requires us to find peace with a new reality. From Fern’s journey, we learn that while grief is undeniably painful, it can also serve as a powerful teacher and catalyst for healing, offering us opportunities for growth, resilience, and a deeper understanding of both life and loss.

Fern’s journey is also the heart of her book, Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected. In it, she invites readers to explore how we can embrace both life and hope—even when the unexpected arrives, whether it be in the form of illness, loss, or an unwanted change. Her story is not just about surviving—it’s about thriving in the face of adversity, finding a way forward, and embracing wholeness.

I’m deeply grateful to Fern for sharing her story with such courage and vulnerability. Her words are a powerful reminder of resilience and offer inspiration to all of us who find ourselves navigating challenging and uncertain times. Please join me in celebrating her journey and share what resonated with you in the comments below.

‘Heartbreak to Hope and the Power of Overcoming: Navigating Grief Through the Unexpected’ by Fern Buszowski

Grief Story #012

Some of the most devastating news we can receive is an unexpected health diagnosis. It brings unwanted change dragging us into a cycle of grief that isn’t often spoken about or acknowledged.

In 2020, I was diagnosed with stage III oral cancer where I underwent an 8-hour surgery, removal of a saliva gland, a neck dissection, removal of 33 lymph nodes, reconstruction of my tongue, and 30 days of radiation treatment. Hospitalized during pandemic restrictions meant no family or visitors for 11 days whilst in the hospital. A tracheostomy rendered me unable to speak for the first 5 days. I had no choice but to survive the best I could.

Recovery, I quickly realized, was going to be more challenging than anticipated. Then, within a few short months, I was diagnosed with pre-melanoma skin cancer and a serious autoimmune disease requiring medication to keep it in remission.

Serious health diagnoses can be traumatic bringing grief that impacts every part of us – body, soul, and spirit.

A deep, lingering grief – cancer grief, or chronic illness grief – is a thing!

It’s filled with losses from expecting a pain-free life, relationship changes, activities, energy, freedom, and more. Discouragement, helplessness, and loneliness can befriend this grief.

There is also anticipatory grief that can arise because diseases often deteriorate over time resulting in more losses causing some to self-isolate to minimize the impact of experiencing future grief.

Choosing to be an Overcomer

After a couple of years of coping with health issues, I realized it was time to make a choice – and asked myself “Who do I want to be?” – An overcomer who can accept challenging health situations, learn new ways of coping, and live from a place of hope or a victim who lets suffering throw shame and grief over my health conditions bringing resentment and bitterness into my heart?

I chose to be an overcomer. My definition of an overcomer is "One who has risen above, surmounted, or had a positive influence over a difficult experience by prevailing, trusting, hoping, and doing some very hard inner work.”

A key characteristic of an overcomer is that they take the time to grieve but don’t stay stuck in grief because grief needs to be welcomed, explored, and attended to – not ignored or pushed away.

As we cultivate the practice of building resilience while facing difficulties, we are practicing being an overcomer. It doesn’t mean that our pain or suffering magically goes away. It means we draw from a toolkit of soul care resources that can strengthen us like praying, walking, journalling, talking, reading, playing music, art activities, or reaching out for help from trusted others – God, friends, family, spiritual leaders, or professionals for support.

Overcomers develop regular practices that help build resilience.

Our stories need to be witnessed. First by God, and then our family and friends who are part of our safe community. As we courageously express our grief to God, He welcomes our prayers of lament because He can help us heal along the way. He also created us for community. When we are able to share our journeys within safe community we can welcome in even more healing.

We must trust the healing process because healing physically, emotionally, and spiritually takes time.

Overcomers don’t ignore the pain, sadness, or the grief illness brings.

With gentle kindness, we attend to our pain by being patient and compassionate with ourselves. We work at recognizing the signs of grief, acknowledging the losses and the difficulties of coping with it, naming the emotions experienced, uncovering a need that might help in that moment, and reaching out to God or a trusted other who can help us attend to the pain.

Overcomers take things day by day cultivating resilient habits.

We attempt to do our best to:

• Manage expectations realizing plans can change at any given moment.

• Accept the changes in our body, energy levels, and abilities recognizing that they may fluctuate but our value as human beings does not!

• Listen and watch for clues that we’re grieving and create a healthy space to express our grief.

• Recognize that being vulnerable and asking for help is an act of courage and trust.

• Remember that we are designed to heal and that it may come in surprising ways – body, soul, and spirit.

• Look for the good around us and intentionally express gratitude for it.

• Remember God is faithful. He sees us, sees our pain, and is with us in the journey.

God has a way of taking our suffering and our sorrows and turning them into something good and beautiful – we must hang on to this truth.

God Brings Good Things

As I regularly release my expectations and my old ways of living, I still uncover moments where I feel a bit stuck and need to lament– often through tears, prayers, and journalling because it creates room in my heart to see the good, new opportunities lying ahead. There are times where I see God’s goodness coming through the making of a new friend, a meaningful conversation, a quiet walk, unexpected invitations to speak, or time to write or paint, bake, read, or rest.

There’s always something good to see if we take the time to look because God is a good God. God sees us, hears us, and draws close to comfort us. Even if we aren’t aware of it.

Illness is the sacred journey I am on, where in God’s goodness, He is walking with me and continues to transform my heart because He is a good and faithful God.

Affirmations help me say along this path of hope and bring me the gift of remembering that cultivates daily perseverance:

• God hears us and is aware of our sorrows (Psalm 56:8). He collects our tears and is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)

• It’s good to shift our attention from what we can’t get, accomplish or acquire to uncovering new ways to give to others and to honour God’s call on our lives (Micah 6:8)

• Enjoy being present, in the here and now, because sometimes tomorrow’s plans may not materialize. (Psalm 90:12))

• Cultivate a deepening trust in God in ways that will strengthen us, help us persevere, and bring us peace. (Isaiah 26:3)

• Place our treasures in God, His character, His purposes, and His ways and they will always bring great hope, peace, and gratitude.

A few years ago, my son-in-law penned these insightful words :

“You write your life with the words you tell yourself, words you believe are true. Learn to rewrite your life with God’s truth.” Rev. T Truong

God is still writing each of our stories, and I think He invites us into that journey of writing our stories by the way in which we respond to life’s experiences.

Grief will always be with me but so will great joy, as well as God and His goodness.

Not by choice but by design!

Grief Story by Fern Buszowski

Friend, have you ever grieved a living loss? What did you wish others understood more deeply about your pain and loss? What is helping you to navigate it? Share in the comments.

Fern Buszowski, MALM, MA Counseling, is an award-winning author, public speaker, thriving cancer survivor, and autoimmune warrior. She has spent most of her career equipping others to grow, develop, and find hope through counseling, workshops, programs, and training, locally and internationally. She is passionate about encouraging others to cultivate curiosity, choose hope, seek wholeness, and develop life practices that nurture their soul uncovering all that God has in store for them and shares stories of hope at events, podcasts, and more recently on the TV show Legacy Makers.

Her award-winning book “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected” grew out of her experience with tongue cancer during Covid restrictions. She established the “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope” foundation through the Canadian National Christian Foundation (CNCF) to raise funds for cancer research and support groups for cancer patients and their families. Fern lives with her husband Steve in Alberta. They have two grown married daughters, two sons-in-law, and five grandchildren.

You can find more about Fern on her website: Hope Blooming or on her blog: Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way or connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Linked-in.