Loving Through the Loss of Parental Expectations

Addressing the quiet grief of unmet expectations in the Grief Story, 'Embracing God Through the Grief of Special Needs Parenting,' by Jenn Soehnlin on holding grief and faith together...

Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.

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Loss comes with many questions. And in the early days of grief, those questions can echo louder than any answer, Why me? God, why has this happened to me? Sometimes, it’s not even about us - we ask on behalf of the ones we love.

When my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I remember whispering through tears, Why her? God, why my mum? It felt like betrayal - by life, by hope, even by God. That same aching question has returned in different forms throughout my life, especially in moments of quiet mourning for the life I thought I’d have.

Maybe you’ve asked those same questions — not just for yourself, but for your child. Why my child? Why this path?

This story isn’t here to give you answers to your questions. Most of us never get the answers we are searching for. Instead, it’s about learning what it means to hold grief in one hand and faith in the other. To wrestle with God, and sometimes, to find peace amongst the struggle.

Because grief doesn’t always begin with death. Sometimes it starts with a diagnosis — a single moment that divides life into before and after.

As Fern Buzsowski writes in her Grief Story, Heartbreak to Hope and the Power of Overcoming: Navigating Grief Through the Unexpected, a serious health diagnoses can be traumatic in ways that affect every part of us - body, mind, and soul. The same is true for parents receiving news they never expected to hear. There’s a name for that kind of loss, even if we don’t say it out loud - the loss of ‘normal’. The loss of imagined futures. The quiet grief that reshapes everything.

My heart is with every parent navigating this kind of loss - juggling therapy appointments, unanswered questions, medical bills, and a love so fierce it aches. The ones, like Jenn, who are learning to surrender the life they envisioned and embrace the one God has given.

In today’s Grief Story, Jenn Soehnlin shares her journey through the heartbreak, loneliness, and deep spiritual wrestling that so often accompanies special needs parenting. If you’ve ever felt the weight of a different-than-expected life, her story is for you.

Jenn’s journey is also the heart of her book, Embracing This Special Life: Learning to Flourish as a Mother of a Child with Special Needs. With tender wisdom and deep compassion, she walks alongside other mothers, offering scriptural truth and soul-deep encouragement, inviting them to fully embrace the unique life and calling God has placed in their hands.

I’m deeply grateful to Jenn for sharing her story with such courage and vulnerability. Her words are honest, raw, and full of grace - a powerful reminder that even in the most uncertain places, God is near.

If Jen’s story speaks to your heart, we’d love to hear what resonated with you in the comments.

‘Embracing God Through the Grief of Special Needs Parenting’ by Jenn Soehnlin

Grief Story #017

When I learned I was going to become a mother, the excitement was indescribable. I imagined the things I would do with my child: the playdates, the art projects, the books we’d read, and the places we would go. When a sweet baby boy was placed in my arms, I was instantly in love and had found a new purpose for my life.

Two years later, we added another precious baby boy to our family. But before I’d even had a chance to get into the swing of being a mother of two, my two-year-old son received a devastating diagnosis that would require him to undergo years of speech, physical, and occupational therapy to learn the skills that come naturally to most children. Over the next two years, both boys would receive a few more diagnoses.

My daydreams of motherhood were shattered, replaced with endless therapy appointments, battles with insurance companies and doctors, and an overwhelming loneliness I didn’t know how to handle. My emotional, spiritual, and physical health were deteriorating under the stress. Grief, anxiety, and depression took turns settling in and making themselves cozy.

But what surprised me the most was the crisis of faith I experienced. Where was God in all of this? Why would He do this to me and my boys? Was He really a good God, like I had always believed? And scariest of all, was He even real? If He was real, He felt far away and silent when I needed Him the most.

One day, the never-ending mountain of laundry, dishes, appointments, and worries gave me a panic attack. Seriously. My chest felt tight, and my heart pounded. Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t catch my breath. My husband suggested I spend some time by myself. I went gladly, eager to process this overwhelming anxiety with God.

I sat in God’s creation, knowing I needed God desperately but not even knowing what to pray about. I had no words, only tears, and I poured them all out to God, my heart begging Him to speak to me and my anxiety.

I expected to hear more silence from God when I needed Him the most. Never have I been more thankful to be proven wrong. He whispered one word that banished the anxiety and grief that had gripped my heart for so long. Embrace.

Surely that word was from God, because what was there to embrace in my life with all that I was currently experiencing? So I asked Him. And for the next hour or so, God revealed area after area of my life that I needed to embrace. I wish I had written it all down at the time, but I don’t think my pen would have flown across the pages fast enough. I was convicted. Encouraged. Loved by the God of the universe.

God gently reminded me of various areas I needed to embrace fully in my life. My children and their hearts, their gifts, their personalities. This special needs journey. Myself. My husband and I were teammates together. And most importantly, God. My perspective was transformed to the biblical, rather than the worldly way of doing everything that I’d been trying to do unsuccessfully for years.

I don’t know how long I spent with God, tears rolling down my cheeks, while my anxious thoughts stilled and surrender and transformation unfolded in my heart. That precious time on the beach transformed my life, my faith, and my purpose. It gave me the strength to continue forward on the path God set for me and my children, trusting that God was faithful and had given all of us a life worth embracing.

It wasn’t until a few years after that encounter with God that I found a quote by John Piper that elegantly encapsulated what I had learned and experienced in that precious time with God and in the years that followed.

“Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped for. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.”

Honestly, the anxiety and grief still come and go at times. But thankfully, God doesn’t. He is always with us, faithful to us, whether we are weeping or embracing the life He has given us. And I’m so very thankful for that.

Grief Story by Jenn Soehnlin

Friend, does your reality look the way you imagined it would, or has it unfolded differently? In what ways has that shift been painful, and where have you found unexpected beauty along the way? Have you ever experienced a crisis of faith — a season where God felt silent or distant? As you reflect today, what do you need to release, and what might God be inviting you to embrace?

Jenn Soehnlin is the author of Embracing This Special Life and On the Same Page with God. She enjoys writing about faith, praying Scripture, special needs parenting, and a wonder walk through nature. She loves spending time with her husband and two sons, curling up with a good book and a cup of coffee.

You can find more about Jenn on her website www.embracing.life or connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.