Navigating Loss This Festive Season and Beyond

The festive season can feel like salt in a wound, especially when it marks a loved one’s anniversary. Jessica Bourne's Grief Story 'How to Love With Grief' offers tips and hope for grieving hearts...

Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you’ll find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.

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Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and the festive season can stir up powerful emotions. Christmas, with all its lights, music, and joy, often serves as a painful reminder of the loved ones we’ve lost. It can feel like the holiday highlights the emptiness where they once stood. And just when we think we’ve made it through, New Year’s arrives, and the challenge continues.

That’s why I reached out to those who’ve already shared their story in the Grief Stories series to ask what helps them cope with grief during the Christmas season. I’m incredibly grateful for their insights, and I hope their words can offer some comfort to others navigating the same heartache. What is helping them get through their grief this Christmas? Perhaps some of their tips will help you too, as you navigate your own journey through grief. I’d love for you to share what has been helpful to you, or simply let me know what helps you survive Christmas grief here.

The festive season can feel like salt rubbed into a wound, especially when it marks the anniversary of a loved one’s passing. My heart is with all who experience this double pain, just like Jessica. Today, I’m honoured to share her grief story.

In today’s Grief Stories, Jessica Bourne opens up about processing grief after losing not one, but both of her parents, and becoming an orphan at a young age. Within six months, she lost Tricia (Patricia) and Steve, her beloved parents. Jessica shares the tips and tools that have helped her cope with grief that seemed impossible to bear. Through her Instagram page and her book How to Love with Grief, she offers comfort, practical advice, and a gentle reminder: even in the darkest moments, the bond we share with those we’ve lost is not defined by sorrow. Instead, it lives in the precious memories we carry and the love that continues to shape us.

Perhaps a reminder we all need this festive season - it's okay to experience both sadness and joy at the same time. Our hearts can hold both—joy for what was, and sadness for what is no longer. And in that, we honour the ones we've lost, while continuing to embrace life in all its complexity.

I’m deeply grateful to Jessica for sharing her story with such honesty and vulnerability. I hope her words bring hope and encouragement, not just this festive season, but in every step of your grief journey. Please let us know what you found meaningful in the comments.

‘How to Love With Grief’ by Jessica Bourne

Grief Story #008

I have titled this and my Instagram page that I have created, ‘How to love with grief’ as I do not want ever to hate life despite the sadness, but to provide comfort, love, and support to those who are going through similar situations such as losing their loved one to cancer or suicide.

In the space of just six months, my siblings and I experienced the most devastating losses we could ever imagine. We lost our mum to aggressive melanoma cancer on 31st December 2022 then our dad to suicide on 30th June 2023.

At first, I typed out everything that had happened to help me to understand what I was going through. I was hoping that this would give me a sense of relief and some closure. Now, I would like to help others who might be going through similar situations or experiencing aspects of what I have gone through like cancer or the suicide of a loved one. Although I'm not an expert, I have experienced these first-hand and am currently learning what works to help me cope.

I want to convey what I have learnt from these awful experiences and how to go through life with a constructive mindset. Of course, what I type here is not what I felt instantly when my mum and dad passed away. Both times I felt an instant panic, depressed with an anxious feeling in my heart. At first, I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage. However, I have learnt that you must go through the waves of emotions to heal or feel any sense of purpose. It is difficult, some days are better than others, but I am learning not to isolate myself and ask for help when needed. It is exhausting so making sure that I take time out and rest is significantly important.

Here is what has helped me going:

• I started counselling quite soon after my mum passed away. My counsellor recommended the book ‘On Grief and Grieving’ by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. I had also heard about the five stages of grief but never did any formal research on this. I never really thought about grief a lot before but because of losing Mum, I started to think, Losing a loved one is something almost everybody must deal with: why is this not spoken about enough? Why are we not equipped for this?

• Creativity - create, create, create! This could be a song, drawing, painting, etc. I made a song straight after my dad passed away. The words simply came out and putting it to music made me still think of the situation but in a completely different and meaningful way.

• Changes - I became unwell more frequently and tired. I didn’t want to change; I didn’t want to feel this constant aching pain inside of me. However, I simply had to accept that I had changed, I’ll never go back to my normal self. There is no timeline of grief. Accepting that grief will always be a part of me, is in a way, moving forward.

• To try and stay connected to my mum and dad I light a special candle, have photos of them hanging up and visit their grave frequently with cards and gifts for their birthdays and Father’s/Mother’s Day. I also have memorial tattoos of a robin, a feather and my parents' writing on my body.

• Milestones like birthdays and anniversaries can be triggers but to be honest, in my opinion, it is often in the quiet spaces between milestones when grief manifests, too. Navigating towards a new normal becomes a journey in itself.

At times, I am in utter disbelief at what has happened; other times, I am inconsolable. If I think I have had an ‘okay’ day, then I dream about my mum and dad, which brings the pain back to surface level. I know that this is all grief, and grief does mean ‘to heal.’

Experiencing these emotions will help me move forward with my life, no matter how hard it is going to be.

I have learnt to be grateful for every experience I have gone through, including this. Through this experience, my love, compassion, and kindness will grow even further for others.

I will never stop grieving and some days I will make more progress than others. I will even have many setbacks, but this is still an important part of healing.

I hope this helps in some way. But even if these tips don't fit your own circumstances, I hope that reading this made you feel less alone. We are in this together.

Grief Story by Jessica Bourne

Friend, I hope you find the tips helpful. What would you add? What is helping you to navigate grief and loss? Share in the comments.

Have a peaceful and gentle Christmas

Jessica Bourne lost her mum and dad at the age of 30. By creating her Instagram page @howtolovewithgrief she has connected with lots of people on similar journeys and paths with the aim to raise awareness of grief, emphasising that we are not alone. Losing both of her parents, she knows how difficult it is to navigate grief, but she has learnt many lessons on her journey. Healing isn’t about moving in a linear direction; it is about going through the ups and downs and being able to come out a little bit stronger each time. It is hard, tough and exhausting and every individual is different, but in the midst of grief, she discovered her inner strength and determination to keep her going.

Jessica has recently published, ‘How to love with Grief: A guide to heal from multiple losses’. Despite her loss, she hopes that her story will bring comfort and support to others in similar situations.