The Emotions We Carry After Loss

"Every emotion in grief is valid," a lesson loss taught me. Read the Grief Story, 'The Many Faces of Grief: A Journey Through Emotion,' by Angie Hanson about navigating multiple losses and emotions...

Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.

---

No two experiences of grief are ever the same. Although we often think of grief as sadness, it can encompass a whole spectrum of emotions. One moment may be filled with longing or anger, the next with guilt, relief, confusion, or even an unexpected smile sparked by a cherished memory.

This is a theme I also explore in my upcoming book, What If This Is Grief?, where I invite readers to move beyond the idea of grief as a series of stages and instead embrace it as a deeply personal experience shaped by love, loss, and the unique circumstances of each person’s life.

My heart is with everyone who has ever questioned their emotional response to loss or wondered whether they were grieving “the right way.” There is no single way to grieve, and every feeling that emerges deserves compassion rather than judgment.

In today’s Grief Stories, Angie Hanson shares the devastating experience of losing her son, husband, and brother within just two and a half years. Through remarkable honesty and vulnerability, she reflects on how each loss brought its own emotional landscape, offering a powerful reminder that our feelings after loss are as individual as the relationships we mourn.

If Angie’s story resonates with you, I invite you to sit gently with it. You’re welcome to share your thoughts in the comments, or simply read and reflect in your own time.

‘The Many Faces of Grief: A Journey Through Emotion’ by Angie Hanson

Grief Story #026

Grief is often painted as sadness - a quiet, tear-streaked sorrow that settles in the heart like a heavy stone. And yes, grief is sadness, but it’s also so much more. It’s anger, guilt, relief, numbness, longing, confusion, and even moments of unexpected laughter. It shapeshifts, slipping through the cracks of our everyday lives in ways we never anticipate.

I’ve walked this road more times than I ever imagined I would. I’ve lost my son, my husband, my brother - three of the most important people in my life - all within a span of 2.5 years. Grief didn’t knock politely at my door; it crashed into my life like a wrecking ball, leaving me gasping for air. And yet, through each loss, I found myself experiencing a different storm of emotions, each one demanding to be felt in its own way.

Anger: The Uninvited Guest

No one told me how much anger could be a part of grief. It wasn’t just sadness I felt when my son, Garret, died - it was rage - anger at the universe, at God, at the unfairness of it all. I was angry that the world kept turning while mine had shattered. I was angry at people who said, “Everything happens for a reason.” As if there could ever be a reason good enough to justify losing my child.

And then, when my husband, Jack, was diagnosed with cancer, that anger flared up again. But this time, it had a different edge. I was angry at his body for betraying him, at the doctors for not having better answers, at myself for not being able to stop what was coming. Anger is exhausting, but in some ways, it was easier to feel than the crushing sadness lurking beneath it.

Then came the loss of my brother. A different kind of anger settled in, one I wasn’t prepared for. This time, it was anger at how grief seemed relentless in my life - how it kept coming, wave after wave, taking the people I loved. I was mad at how unfair it was, how cruel it felt to endure another devastating loss before I had even begun to comprehend the others. I was angry at the circumstances surrounding his passing, the things left unsaid, the way life just kept throwing punches when I was already down.

If you’ve ever felt this kind of anger in your grief, know this: you’re not wrong for feeling it. It’s not a sign of weakness, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving “the right way” (whatever that means). Grief makes you angry in ways you don’t expect. But I’ve learned that anger is just love with nowhere to go. It’s the fight inside us that refuses to accept what is. And sometimes, it’s what gets us through the hardest days.

Guilt: The Shadows That Linger

Guilt is a cruel companion to grief. It whispers in your ear at 2 am, making you question every decision, every word left unspoken. When Jack passed, I felt guilty for the times I lost patience, for the moments I wasn’t strong enough to hold both of us together. When Garret died, I tortured myself with what-ifs - what if I had done something differently? What if I had seen some sign, some warning?

Even now, guilt sneaks in when I catch myself laughing, when I find joy in something new. The guilt of moving forward, of building a life after loss, is something no one prepares you for.

If you’re feeling this too, try this: When guilt creeps in, ask yourself - what would they want for me? Would they want me to stay frozen in time, or would they want me to find moments of light again? I like to think my son, my husband, and my brother are all cheering me on, hoping I embrace every bit of life I have left.

Relief: The Emotion No One Talks About

This one feels like a dirty secret, but it’s real. When Jack’s battle with cancer came to an end, a small part of me felt relief. Not because I wanted to lose him - I would have given anything for a different outcome - but because I saw how much pain he was in.

Watching someone you love suffer is its own kind of agony, and when that suffering ends, there is a bittersweet release.

Relief doesn’t cancel out love. It doesn’t mean you wished them gone. It just means you loved them enough to want their suffering to stop. If you’ve felt this, please know you are not alone. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

The Missing Link: A Void in the Family

Grief rearranges the family in ways no one talks about. When my brother died, it was as if a link in the chain that held us together had snapped. We were still a family, still connected, but there was an empty space where he once stood.

With the loss of my son and husband, grief had already torn through my world. But losing my brother felt different. It was losing a piece of my past, a piece of my identity, someone who had been part of my story since childhood. Who else remembers the inside jokes, the childhood adventures, the family traditions quite the way he did?

Siblings hold a unique space in our lives - they are our first friends, our lifelong witnesses. And when they’re gone, the shape of our family shifts in a way that’s hard to explain. If you’ve lost a sibling, I see you. It’s a different kind of grief, but no less deep, no less worthy of being spoken about.

Finding Light in the Darkness

Grief is not linear. It doesn’t come in neat stages that we check off like a to-do list. It’s messy and unpredictable. Some days, I feel strong. Other days, I crumble. And that’s okay.

What I’ve Learned About Grief:

● Every emotion is valid. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

● Grief doesn’t follow a timeline - don’t rush yourself.

● Finding joy again isn’t betrayal. It’s proof that love never leaves.

● Talking about grief doesn’t make it worse. Silence does.

So, if you’re grieving - whether it’s been days, months, or years - know this: Whatever you’re feeling is valid. Anger, guilt, relief, numbness, longing... it’s all part of love’s aftermath. And you don’t have to carry it alone.

We grieve because we love. And love, even in loss, is never wasted.

Grief Story by Angie Hanson

Friend, have you ever experienced an emotion in grief that surprised you? Which part of your grief has felt the hardest to put into words? And what do you wish more people understood about the many faces of grief?

Angie Hanson is a grief educator, certified grief coach, and author of Chapters of a Resilient Heart. After enduring multiple heartbreaking losses, she founded Butterflies + Halos, a grief-focused stationery and support brand. Angie is passionate about helping others navigate loss with grace, grit, and hope through her writing, coaching, and speaking.