Shaped by Loss, Guided by Purpose
“Loss changes us in ways we never expect,” a lesson grief taught me. Read the story, 'A Journey Through Loss, Healing, and Purpose' by Sharna Southan, a powerful story of pregnancy loss and purpose.
Welcome to the Grief Stories community! I hope you find this to be a welcoming place where you’ll be able to share experiences, get things off your chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. I invite you to read and share stories of hope and healing; giving a voice to loss and grief. This is a safe place helping us to feel less alone on our journey and providing comfort in hard times.
The more I sit with grief, the more I see one truth emerge: it doesn’t just change the trajectory of our lives, it changes us.
Recently, in a conversation with Linda Henderson, who previously shared her story in the Grief Stories series, I was reminded that while grief reshapes us, it also holds the potential to transform us. Not by erasing the pain, but by deepening our compassion, our understanding, and our connection to others.
While grief reshapes us, it also holds the potential to transform us.
I know this to be true in my own life. I see people differently now. I understand grief in a way I never could before I lived it. And perhaps that’s why I’ve been able to turn my pain into purpose. The pain doesn’t disappear - but having a “why” gives it direction. It becomes a quiet strength that allows me to move forward while still honouring my losses.
This month marks my mum’s heaveniversary, and I find myself reflecting on how much loss has shaped me. I’m not who I was fourteen years ago, nor am I the person I was before my accident five years ago. Each experience has left its mark. And while my life looks different from what I once imagined, I’ve found meaning through what I’ve lived.
I don’t know where you are in your grief journey, but I want to gently remind you of this: while no one can take your pain away, it won’t always feel this heavy. And although it may soften, your life will never look the same again - and neither will you.
While no one can take your pain away, it won’t always feel this heavy.
If you’ve ever questioned who you are after loss, you are not alone, and today, I’m honoured to share Sharna’s story.
In this Grief Stories feature, Sharna Southan bravely opens up about pregnancy loss - a form of grief many carry quietly, often unseen, unacknowledged, and misunderstood. Through her experience, she has created space for others to feel validated, heard, and supported in their healing.
I’m deeply grateful to Sharna for her courage and vulnerability. Her story is not only about loss, but about identity, healing, and the possibility of finding light in the aftermath.
If you’ve ever carried grief in silence, this story may resonate more than you expect. And if her words speak to you, I’d love to hear from you.
‘A Journey Through Loss, Healing, and Purpose’ by Sharna Southan
Grief Story #023
When I experienced pregnancy loss, it shook the very foundation of who I thought I was, what my capabilities were as a woman & what it meant for my future as a mum.
It wasn’t just the loss of my baby - it felt like a loss of myself. My sense of identity, purpose, and everything I believed to be true came into question. Why was I here? What was the point of all this?
Grief consumed me, but I had no idea how to express it. The silence around pregnancy loss was deafening. I felt isolated, despite having a supportive family. Nobody really knew how to help me navigate the weight of my loss.
The silence around pregnancy loss was deafening.
To make things harder, my experience was traumatic in ways I didn’t fully understand until years later. It wasn’t until I began my healing journey that I recognised it as trauma - big T and little t trauma - something society rarely acknowledges when it comes to pregnancy loss. For me, life became a clear “before and after” my loss. It changed me to my core.
Finding Purpose Through Pain
The stigma surrounding pregnancy loss was something I couldn’t ignore. I began to share my story, not just to be heard but to educate others on how to support someone going through it. I realised so many women wanted to use their own experiences to create meaningful support for others, and that inspired me to do the same. My work became rooted in using my grief as a foundation to educate, advocate, and empower.
The Challenges of Healing
The silence was the hardest part. Society tells us to move on, to get over it, to go on with life as though nothing happened. Don’t cry. Don’t break down. Don’t make others uncomfortable. But I chose to do the opposite - I got loud. I started talking about my grief and my baby.
I told my story, and when I did, others felt permission to share theirs, too. In that, I found a spark of purpose: if I could help even one woman feel less alone, it would be worth it.
I also learned that healing isn’t linear. Some days felt impossible, like the weight of it all would crush me. But I was determined to heal. I gave myself permission to sit with the bigness of it all, to let it feel as consuming as it needed to be. Slowly, the weight began to lift. It didn’t happen all at once, but over time, I started to notice a shift.
Why This Matters
By sharing my story, I hope to normalise conversations about pregnancy loss and grief. I want to create a world where future generations feel safe expressing their emotions and sharing their experiences.
Grief shouldn’t be a taboo topic.
I also want to remind anyone reading this that their pain is valid. It’s okay to feel like it’s too much. It’s okay to feel consumed. But know this: it won’t last forever.
If you’re determined to move through it, healing is possible. One day, the heaviness will begin to lighten. And when it does, you’ll realize just how strong you truly are.
The Message I Wish I’d Heard
If I could go back to my darkest moments, I’d tell myself this:
It won’t always feel this way. You won’t feel like this forever. I know it’s consuming right now, and it’s so dark you can’t see a way out. But hold on. Breathe. If you’re willing to lean into the pain and determined to heal, you’ll make it through. One day, the weight will lift - even if you don’t notice it at first.
And if it feels big, it’s because it is big. Allow yourself to feel it all. Don’t let anyone dismiss what you’re experiencing or tell you how you should feel. Your grief is valid, and your healing is your own.
Moving Forward
For me, the healing came when I started to use my experience to make a difference.
I began advocating for better support, creating certifications for pregnancy loss practitioners, and mentoring women who wanted to make an impact in this space.
Together, by sharing our stories, we can start to break the silence around grief. We can create spaces of compassion, support, and understanding. And we can show the world that even in the darkest moments, there is light to be found.
Grief Story by Sharna Southan
Friend, have you ever experienced a loss that made you question who you are or your sense of purpose? Have you ever felt alone in your grief, even when others were around you? If you could say something to yourself in your hardest moment, what would it be?
Bio:
After losing her father at 19, Sharna Southan was introduced to grief long before she understood how to navigate it. Years later, a missed miscarriage at seven weeks brought another devastating loss and revealed how isolating pregnancy loss can be.
The lack of support she experienced inspired her to create change. She became a trauma-informed coach and developed specialised Pregnancy Loss certifications to equip healers, coaches, and practitioners with the tools to better support grieving women. Today, she mentors professionals to build impactful businesses supporting pregnancy loss and is committed to creating a network where women feel validated, heard, and understood in their grief.
Sharna has shared her story on the panel at the Australian Fertility Summit and has been recognised in the Australian Women’s Small Business Champion Awards and the Australian Mumpreneur Awards.
Outside of her work, she is home-schooling her rainbow daughter, enjoying life by the ocean with her husband, and dreaming of travelling Australia in a motorhome as a family.
You can connect with Sharna on Instagram or her website sharnasouthan.com and listen to her podcast ‘What I Wish I Knew About Pregnancy Loss’ here.
I’m so excited to share our next Live talk.
When?
Join my monthly Instagram Live series ‘What If This Is Grief?’ on Tuesday 24th March at 1 pm EDT / 5 pm GMT (UK) time.
I’m honoured to be joined by my wonderful guest Hadassah Treu for another ‘What If This Is Grief’ Live series. Hadassah is a Grief Stories contributor and you can read her story here.
We’ll be talking about how not only survive, but also thrive after loss - one day at a time.
Tuesday 24th March
1 pm EDT / 5 pm GMT (UK)
If you have any questions for Hadassah, please send me a message.
Set a reminder and join us live.
